smofbabe

Author of this proposed agenda is unfortunately unknown.

Republican National Committee Convention Agenda

6:00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6:45 PM - Salute to the "Coalition of the Willing"

6:46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"

7:30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7:35 PM - Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"

7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: "Mercury: It's What's for Dinner"

8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"

8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Men Only)

8:50 PM - Seminar #2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"

9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 PM - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"

9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"

9:30 PM - Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM - Carl Rove Lecture: "Doublespeak Made Simple"

10:30 PM - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside"

10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 PM - John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt

10:46 PM - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"

10:50 PM - Seminar #3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"

11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Piñata

11:20 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: "Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult"

11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 PM - Blame Clinton

11:40 PM - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"

11:41 PM - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore

11:50 PM - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 Mid - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord